Inside: Looking for ways to stop the tears at morning drop off? Inside are 14 Simple Tips for Parents and Teachers to follow to ensure a tear-free start to the day!

Crying at School

We’ve all been there.  Either as a parent or as a teacher.  Having little ones crying at school drop off can just about ruin your day!  I’ve experienced the trauma of a tearful drop-off from both ends of the spectrum.  As a mom, my little one went to daycare at just six weeks of age.  At that point, *I* was the one crying!  Then, when she was 3-4 months old and realized I was leaving her, she was the one crying at school.  Talk about tugging at my heartstrings! I felt all the mom guilt in the world for going to work and “abandoning” her.  At least that’s how I thought she was seeing it.

As a Pre-k teacher, I’ve witnessed plenty of tears at school centered around morning drop off.  In fact, I’ve had a few students that cried EVERY SINGLE MORNING for the first 2-3 months of school.  Being the teacher instead of the mama is a whole new level of traumatic.

My {Honest} Teacher Thoughts when Kids Cry at Drop Off

• Oh no!  She must hate school.
• His parents must be freaked out wondering why he hates school so much.
• Please don’t cry!  You’ll make Suzy cry, too.
• Am I THAT BAD of a teacher??
• Wait til you’re an adult, kid.  You’ll REALLY be crying, then.  (Ha….sorry, I had to throw that one out there.  You know….bills, taxes, laundry….lol!)
• Can one day just start smoothly?  This is going to throw the whole class off!
• This is the 40th day of school.  WHY is he STILL crying every morning?

Separation Anxiety in Preschool and Kindergarten

The fact of the matter is, many preschoolers and kindergarteners suffer from true separation anxiety when it comes to school…especially when it comes to morning drop-off.  Eight hours might not seem all that long to us as teachers when we think about everything we need to accomplish for the day, but eight hours is an ETERNITY for a little one to wait to see mom and dad again.  It’s so difficult as a parent to peel your crying child off your leg and head into work like nothing’s wrong.  Been there.  Done that.  Not fun!

However, I’ve come up with some tips and tricks for both teachers and parents to minimize separation anxiety and to, hopefully, lessen the tears at morning drop off.

Tips for Teachers to Help Kids Stop Crying at School

Greet parents and students at the door.  Stand by your door each morning to welcome parents and students with a big smile.  Give students a hug and tell them you can’t wait to have a great day together.

 Encourage a short and sweet drop off. At our Pre-K center, parents must walk their child to the classroom (unless the child rides the bus).  Many parents want to come in and dawdle.  A child is MUCH more likely to get upset when a parent leaves if the parent lingers for too long.  I like to encourage parents to hug their child at the door and say “See you soon!” rather than enter our classroom.  This encourages independence as children learn to unpack their folder, hang up their backpack, and take care of other morning tasks.

Give lots of hugs and encouragement.  I’ve always told my students that I’m their “School Mama.”  And if they ever need a mama hug, they know they can come to me for one.  If a child says, “I miss my Mama,” I say, “Well since I’m your school mama can I give you a good Mama Hug?”  They usually giggle and reach for a hug.  I’ve even have a few say, “Hey School Mama, I need a hug!”

Have an activity they love ready to work on.  If you know Chris cries EVERY morning, and you also know he loves dinosaurs, maybe you could have a dinosaur puzzle on the table for him to focus on right away.  Something engaging to divert their attention for even a few minutes can make all the difference in the world!

Place a family picture where they can see it.  At our school, students and families create a “My Home” project the first few weeks of school.  We send home a blank house template and ask the families to fill it with family pictures and things the students love.  We laminate them and display them ALL YEAR around the room.  If students get sad, encourage them to go talk to their family picture!

Use a visual schedule with a clip. I love to use a visual schedule so children can really visualize how their day will progress.  We move the clip each time we start a new activity.  At the end of the visual schedule, put a picture of a house and remind students that once they’ve finished these activities, they’ll go home.  Help them count how many more things they have before it’s home time.  This strategy works great…especially since little ones really have no concept of time!  Need help creating a visual schedule for your classroom?  Check out this post!

Read The Kissing Hand. I can’t say enough good things about this book as a first day of school book for preschool and kindergarten.  I spend much of our first day of school doing activities related to this book.   I also found an adorable little Chester stuffed animal that I display with this cute sign so students can hug him when they feel sad or miss their family!  Grab the printable sign HERE.

 

Tips for Parents for a Tear-Free School Drop Off

Make it quick.  From day one, try to establish a quick routine for drop off.  Don’t linger.  Don’t hold your child in your lap and sit at the table with them.  Every minute you prolong the inevitable, you make it harder and harder for your child to tell you goodbye.

Set up clear expectations.  Even before school starts, help your child understand that you will go to work while they go to school.  Remind them that after nap time (or recess or whenever it’s appropriate in their daily schedule), you’ll be there to pick them back up.  Tell them that you can’t wait to hear about their day.  I had a friend who used the “Cherries and Pits” method of talking with her child at pick up each day.  She’d say, “Tell me the cherry on the top of your day” so her child would share the BEST thing that happened.  Then, she’d say, “What was the pit?”  Her daughter would then share the worst part of the day.  I love this method for discussing your child’s day.

Don’t Bribe or threaten.  Please don’t promise an ice cream after school if they don’t cry.  And please don’t threaten not to come pick them up if they cry.  Yes, I’ve actually had parents say, “I’m going to make you sleep at school tonight if you don’t quit crying!”  (Talk about traumatic!!) Just be straight and to the point.

Be sure they get a good night’s sleep…every night. Parents often don’t realize just how critical a dependable bedtime is.  Little children NEED sleep…lots of sleep.  In fact, they need more sleep than you realize.  My crying students have often been little ones who went to bed at 10 or 11 pm and were just overtired when they got to school the next morning.  They were EXHAUSTED and they couldn’t express it any way other than to cry.  Here are some recommended sleep times for kids.  Check them out.

Have a special Mommy and Me or Daddy and Me scent.  If you wear perfume or cologne and it’s not overpowering, rub some on your wrist and then rub your wrist onto your child’s wrist to give them your scent.  Remind them to smell this special scent when they want to feel close to you.

It may sound funny, but scents really do have strong emotional connotations.  I remember as a child my Mom wore a perfume called Ciera.  I’m not even sure if they still sell it!  However, when I was a bit older (maybe 10-12) she stopped wearing it and replaced it with something else.  I remember being so disappointed and even sad because that was the “Mom scent” and I missed it.  So see, this trick really works!  My little boy students often come in to school and tell me daddy put some “Smell Good” on them. They’re so proud when they tell me this!

Establish a soothing goodbye ritual that includes a handshake, hug, or high five.  Let your child know that once you do your special goodbye signal, you’ll head to work and they’ll head to the classroom to learn and play.  Then remind them that you’ll be back to get them before they know it!

Read The Kissing Hand. Yep, parents can read The Kissing Hand, too.  In fact, I recommend it for a great night before school book to read together as a family!  You can even watch the author of the book read the story at THIS LINK!

Parent Tips:  A Brochure to Help Parents Cope with Kids Crying at Morning Drop Off

I’ve put together a printable brochure that’s perfect to share with parents who are facing struggles at morning drop off.  It’s filled with simple strategies parents can implement to ensure smooth school drop offs from day one.  I put them in parents’ Open House packets and give them to them a few days before school starts.  That way they have time to read the strategies before the first day of school.  I’ve included an ink-saving blackline version or a colorful version for your convenience!  If you’d like to include this brochure in your parent packets to help stop the drop off tears, you can purchase it HERE.

Bonus Tip for Parents Crying after Drop Off

Often parents are heartbroken when they leave their child in tears.  I like to comfort parents as well.  As soon as I’ve soothed the child and the tears have stopped, I send a quick text or a happy picture of their child engaged in something fun.  These quick texts take two minutes to send but they give the parent peace of mind to get through the next 7-8 hours.  Try it!

What tips would you add to this list? Be sure to pin this post to your Back to School board!